Are we Too Selfish for Love?

The Facebook era. The iphone generation. The constant Whatsappers or texters, replacing conversation. Absorbed in our screens while we become obsessed with our corporate dreams. Our self-worth is now based on rising to success. The stress of it all, now turning our dreams to nightmares.

Forgive me for being so crass, but aren't all these mediums just projections of new age narcissism?

But what other choice were you actually given? If your not into it, your not in. If you don't have a million likes, aspire for that cool job in a hip city, or aren't innately self obsessed....you're weak. Something's wrong with you. You haven't gotten it together or you're a weirdo.

And then there's the modern relationship. How on earth are you going to accept another fully if you can barely accept yourself for half an hour?What do you do when the one you love doesn't do, say or behave the way you like? What if his family sucks? What if his opinions are rigid or politically incorrect, compared to your liberal ways? Or worse, what if he gets way more likes than you do(!!!!)?

Or how about him? What if you're hotter than he is and he can't take it? What if your salaries bigger, you're more easy-going, or your dysfunctional family makes him feel uneasy? Or worse, what if the prospects of gravity getting the best of your skin sends him heading for the hills?

We have made our search for happiness fully external and coca cola loves it. Now you can “open happiness,” “Think different” and “connect people” using....STUFF! Your identity is being molded every day to fit the mission statement of your place of work. Because it's not just a means to money, Damnit, it's a way of life! But I don't blame you! I'm proud of you! You've taken up bikram yoga, sent out your resume, traveled the world and you now only eat organic.

You're a citizen of the world ; you recycle, care for the poor and spit on politicians. You have cultivated the perfect relationship with yourself. You love yourself and parade it through random Tibetan scriptures tattooed on your arm. You now worship eastern deities, though you've never set foot in church.

Social, yet isolated. Compassionate but narcissistic. Successful yet riddled with self doubt. The new generation would be doomed....but we are too damn busy to even notice.

So here comes the age old question: Have we become too selfish for love?

If the answers to why you're not with someone have been along the lines of: I'm just working on myself right now, I'm just too busy, or I don't want to lose myself in another person...then I'm afraid the answer is yes!

Heres where I get personal. A while back I went through a breakup. It was the first of its kind. It was not dramatic. There was no betrayal, lies, or loss of attraction. There was no falling out of love or the realization that we never were in love. Heck, if we were divorced we would be listed under irreconcilable differences. Thats all it was:two people who loved each other deeply, followed by two ego's who hated each other even more. No one was willing to bend,so we both broke.

So as a result; no slashed tires, no horrible backbiting and no plots of revenge. Instead I just went numb. Then I went on a dating streak. Nothing promiscuous, just a moment in time where I sat down, had a beer and let other people seep into my reality. Yes, I listened. I learned about all the different jobs to be had. The disillusionment of being a journalist for Real madrid, or the isolation of being an entrepreneur. I even learned about the random people you meet when you rent out scooters to tourists.

I made dating my job, giving every evening my all. I was cheerful,giggly and made myself the perfect canvas of all of their fantasies. To the motorcycler,I pulled out my motogp knowledge. To the burnt out journalist, I made feel young and carefree and of course to the entrepreneur, I simply kept him company. Why is it so easy to make people happy when you know you have no future with them? Yet to the one you truly love, you feel you must chip away and knit pick at every quirk.

What I learned after getting to know all of these new people,is that they were no better. In fact, in the true nature of comparison(which you shouldn't do) they were quite a lot worse than my ex. The thing was, I didn't care. They spouted the same stupid stuff, made the same mistakes, were just as immature...hell they were men. Half of which didn't even have the same charm or qualities.

So what had I truly lost? Well, it's simple. In an effort to become the perfect partner for the one I loved, I temporarily lost myself(don't we all?). And halfway through, my ego retaliated, blamed him and began to attack! Suddenly all that we loved, was all that we hated as the arguments just rolled on, and on,and on. In the end we left it. Now, I listen to other idiots blunder on about the same shit.

So what have I learned? Perhaps not now, because we were both too young, but in the future, when you love someone(as long as they're not a raging psycho) you tolerate them. Because chances are, if you don't, you'll end up tolerating a whole web of schmucks that you barely even like.

So get your head out of your iphone, stop scrolling(and then re-scrolling) through your Facebook feed and go have a decent conversation with another human being. Listen. You won't regret it.